Earlier this week DoubleBlind published an article titled “Should You Say ‘I Love You’ While On MDMA?” that explores the possibility of hurting others by saying you love them when you don’t really authentically feel that way:
[Sophia] was wandering through the LGBTQ Pride Celebration in San Francisco when she ran into Simon and Mia, a pair of twins who she knew from childhood, though they had grown apart over the years. “We love you so much!” they exclaimed, hugging her repeatedly. Sophia was surprised, but she embraced the situation. The twins expressed interest in rekindling the friendship and exchanged phone numbers with her. After they parted ways, Sophia felt grateful for the interaction. However, neither Simon nor Mia ever contacted her, and never returned her messages; this was disappointing, confusing, and hurtful for Sophia. When she spoke to a friend who had been present at the original encounter, they said that the twins had been quite obviously under the influence of MDMA.
Jeff had taken MDMA with his roommates and was still very much feeling the effects when his partner Anna, who was sober, came over that evening. Jeff had been having some doubts about their relationship, but when they cuddled in bed together he was overcome with intense feelings of intimacy and tenderness. After having passionate sex, he told Anna that he loved her for the first time and she took his words seriously. However, he realized the next day, with tremendous guilt and regret, that the feeling was gone, and decided that it hadn’t been genuine love to start with. His words that night created a great deal of emotional pain for Anna and himself; their relationship ended messily several weeks later.
These true stories, which are taken from interviews I conducted over the past year, illustrate how interpersonal harm can arise when people who are under the influence of MDMA tell others that they love them. In both cases, the harm came from the recipient interpreting the words of love in a certain way, then discovering later that the words did not mean what they initially thought. Sophia and Anna understood these words as expressing real, authentic love that would persist into the future. When the feelings disappeared afterwards, both women doubted that love was ever present in the first place.
While I agree this is definitely a potential pitfall for MDMA users, I also know that in my own personal experience the exact opposite has been true.
Eight years ago during the peak of an MDMA experience I told a girl I was dating that I loved her. We were at a show (Big Gigantic, if you care to know) and I blurted it our uncontrollably while we were dancing together. That girl later became my wife, and we’re currently living happily ever after.
Not every Molly-inspired instance of “I love you” is inauthentic. (And to be clear, the DoubleBlind article doesn’t attempt to defend that idea.)
The main difference between situations like mine and the ones described in the quoted text above is that I had already realized that I loved the girl I was dating before taking MDMA. It’s definitely worth considering the veracity of statements while under the influence of psychoactive drugs like MDMA, but it requires a certain level of self-awareness and skill that many people have not developed.
So should you say “I love you” while rolling? Every situation is different, but it’s definitely wise to proceed with caution in this area so as to avoid hurting someone’s feelings in the long run.